Sunday, September 25, 2005

How Does One Say "Teasire?"

I was presented with this question upon running into a schoolmate of mine the other day and thought it was a good one. I had an answer but would he believe me? Being in several of my classes he was well aware of my ignorance in such things so, no he wouldn't. At least not based on my word alone. Thus inspired to prove myself once and for all I set about to prove it.

How could I prove that my pronunciation was the one true pronunciation? With Maths of course! I dusted off my handy Look Around You Textbook turned to the appropriate chapter for pronunciation and found the proper formula:
Tea multiplied by the addition of peace and the emotional state of happiness is but a fraction of the whole number Addiction proportional to Desire and that this fraction is equal to the square root of Green.



According to Formosa's law we know that Green is equal to (99cc33) or (446666), but not to (bbccaa) and the square root of all good colors is Dee Toot over Hamburger. Since green is only a decent color its square root must therefore be De over Honk.



Adding Peace and the emotional state of happiness gets us toot (You should write this down!) and as we all know any time you have Toot on one side of an equation and Honk on the other they cancel out making Honk merely Cha and Toot becomes Pop. Now we're getting somewhere!



Applying Darjeeling theorem Pop cancels out Addiction leaving us with Tea divided by desire equaling De divided by Cha.

Wait a minute this is getting pretty tough you might want to take a break and read a book now. Can I make a reccomendation?

Done reading? OK, lets get back to work...

Now all we have to do is reverse the dividers using Murphy's Law. While we're at it lets eliminate that pesky De from the equation leaving us with the pronunciation "sire".



Since Tea is equal to Cha we have achieved the whole number of Tea and it can thus be pronounced as "Tea."



Oops! The equal sign was a plus sign in disguise all along. Silly plus sign, I'll catch you yet!

(supplemental photo)


Too late to start over now so we will just continue by adding "Tea" to "sire" leaving us with "Teasire."



Armed with a properly proven answer I now sought out my school chum only to find out that it was a case of mistaken identity and that I had never actually met him before. Leaving me with only one reasonable option:

Now, go have a cup.

6 comments

At 9/26/2005 08:00:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brilliant, my friend.

Just brilliant.
I might dig some tea out of the cabinets, and have a cup, to salute this great post.

-Brian

 
At 9/28/2005 08:00:00 AM, Blogger Madam Potts said...

Hmmm! And to thikn, I've been pronouncing it incorrectly this entire time.

Instead of Teasire...I've been saying TEA-SIRE. As in, one who sires tea, vs one who desires tea (or one who desires to sire tea).

Apparently, my calculations were off and I hadn't divided by Cha.

 
At 9/28/2005 08:15:00 AM, Blogger Matthew Petty said...

That's disgusting! What kind of a freak do you think I am?

 
At 9/29/2005 10:18:00 AM, Blogger Madam Potts said...

one who REALLY loves tea?

 
At 9/30/2005 09:11:00 AM, Blogger Knitty Cat said...

what is it with tea drinkers and neil gaiman? Is it that he's english, and tea drinking and brits go hand in hand? figure that one out math-tea man!

 
At 9/30/2005 09:37:00 AM, Blogger Matthew Petty said...

I just assumed it was everybody that loved his writing.
I remember him posting about tea a while back and how terrible it is to get in resaurants across America. When I got to that particular point in the mathamatical equation I knew it would reqire the same "optimism and faith" to complete.

Optimism. Faith. English Breakfast.

He received a lot of feedback on the issue and it led me to several nice web pages related to tea so this was my way of returning the favor. Then next few posts he did were also about tea and can be found all together in his June Archive Page. It starts at the very bottom with the above mentioned article so get scrolling.

 

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